My pens are one of the most crucial implements in my arsenal of necessary tools for my job as a restaurant server.  Translation: I need my pens!

At work, I write.  All day long.  As a result I get nice pens, so as to facilitate a more comfortable experience for myself. I do spend a little money on them, because the cheap kind run out of ink after 20 words or so.

Writing down your order so I do not forget to inform the cooks that you will faint at the sight of a pickle is not the only important function my pens serve.  I am also required to include a pen in the check presenter whenever the RC pays by credit card, so that s/he can sign the receipt.  However, I am loaning my pen for the length of time it takes for you to give us your John Hancock, and that's it! Frequently the RC keeps the pen, apparently under the false impression that it is a gift.
I wouldn't mind so much if it were the big spenders helping themselves to a complementary pen.  However, the big tippers are more likely to pull out their own expensive pen to sign with and accidentally leave it along with my pen- and a 25% gratuity. Nice.

I had this extremely difficult, nit-picky table of three whiny men recently.  Men whining is the absolute worst, because a man, by definition, is not supposed to whine.  Ever.  So these men ran me ragged for an hour.  They needed more ranch, another side of mayo, "light ice, take this back, I asked for light ice!" Whining the entire time.

At the end of the meal I brought the check, which came to about $60.  One of the men paid with a credit card.  I gave him the check presenter with his receipt and one of my pens.  I thanked them for their patronage, bid them a very good day, smiled warmly and turned to go. As I started to walk away the guy who paid calls out to me "Oh, this is a real nice pen, I'm gonna have to keep this, hope you don't mind!" He laughed and I laughed, assuming he was joking.

When I collected the receipt upon their departure, I discovered that he left me $5 on a $60 tab, which is less than 10%, and he wasn't joking, he kept my pen.  That's just rude, and its stealing! I've got to say, putting up with three whiny men entitled me to at least 15%. And I require a minimum of an 18% tip if you plan to take my pen. As previously stated, I buy nice pens and besides, its the principle of the thing!  Marta Daniels