My Auntie Rene is a lifetime devotee and virtuoso performer of what I choose to call Chamber music. Less sensitive souls would say she 'fluffs' a lot. Of course, they are right, but this seems a bland description of the full scale of her repertoire.

Historically, there has been a widely held sentiment that the 'public passing of gas is impolite. Many others, however, find flatulence humour funny.

The 'Tales of 1001 Arabian Nights' recounts a story named 'The Historical Fart'. A man is so embarrassed by farting at his own wedding, he departs for a decade. On his return, he learns his fart has evolved into a famous anniversary, used to date many other events in the public calendar. And so, he learnt to be proud of his fart - and its special place in local history.

Mark Twain, in his book '1601', writes "...one did breake wind, yielding an exceeding mightie and distresful stink, whereat all did laugh full sore."

In the 1940's, the Canadian Broadcast Corporation staff allegedly made a clandestine record called 'The Crepitation Concert'. In what appeared to bereal, staff presented a radio broadcast of a flatulence match, featuring a champion, Lord Windismere and a challenger, Paul Boomer, with a running description of the competition complete with sound effects, crowd sounds, and official scoring. (The dictionary definition of crepitation is making a crackling or popping sound.)

So, it would appear that Auntie Rene actually 'moves' in tandem with quite illustrious historic figures and events. She is truly fantastic, and I feel she deserves recognition and appreciation of her years of practice and single-minded dedication tho the task at hand (or wherever!).

A typical overture to an impromptu air by Auntie Rene can be breathtaking and quite overwhelming. You see, Auntie Rene will break into a rendition anywhere, anytime, with no concern about the size or proximity of her usually anguished audience.

Sometimes she begins with a delicate lilting trill - which tends to lull one into a false sense of security. The initiated wait with bated breath for what they know will follow. Will it be a string of staccato semi-quavers? Could there be a crescendo coming? Is one risking concussion from her percussion? Did they perhaps name the Pan pipes in her honour? None of these questions trouble, or even occur to her; in fact she always appears to be totally oblivious to the numbing effects her memorable refrains have on others.

Auntie Rene is so talented that she can converse throughout her concertos and stay seated during her symphonies - without ever losing tone. Her 'fandango' is quite fantastic; her 'mazurka' simply mind-blowing; but I reserve my greatest admiration for her truly awe-inspiring interpretation of the William Tell Overture!

I believe that sometime early in her life, Auntie Rene actually viewed the tombstone epitaph I have only heard about; and these words shaped her Philosophy of Life. The epitaph allegedly read:-

Wherever you may be,
Let your wind blow free -
Because that's what caused
The Death of me!

Possibly, the bottom line of this article is most ably described by Benjamin Franklin in an open letter to the Royal Academy of Farting in 1781, discussing flatulence in some detail and suggesting research be undertaken into the possibility of producing a more agreeable and acceptable product, through serious scientific study. You can read this 'treatise' in its entirety, at the website - Teaching American History.org - enter the name of Benjamin Franklin in the search box, and a list of just some of his writings includes this letter.  Christine Larsen